A week ago I returned from a one-week vision quest into the Swedish wilderness. It took me some time to fully let the experience sink in, but now looking back at it I can honestly say it was a turning point in my life.
Lost Compass
When I received the invitation, I signed up without hesitation, more than a little inspired by Into the Wild. I felt I needed to get away from it all to rediscover who I truly was.
Closer to the event I felt like I was fumbling in the dark, having lost the inner compass that guides my way in the tough decisions in life. My career was at a crossroads, yet I had no idea what my heart was calling me to do. So I set forth…
Windswept Mountains
After almost 20 hours of travel by plane, bus, and train, I met with the other participants at the Vålådalen nature reserve. Our base lay by a serene mountain lake, flanked by ancient fells on all sides. And there we got acquainted with the practicalities of the vision quest as well as with methods of awakening our intuition and getting closer to nature, as we spent the first day and a half settling down to a calmer pace of life.
On the second day we packed up our tents and headed off through the marshland and forest, through increasingly steeper terrain until we finally found ourselves above the timberline. We ceremoniously parted ways, listening to our hearts and senses for where we were each called to spend the three-day solo period of the vision quest.
I found my spot in a miniature valley flanked by two ridges and split by a clear mountain stream. I set up my tent and soon found myself fogged in as the clouds gathered all around. The uniform cloud wall further added to the isolation experienced by switching off our mobiles, leaving all distractions behind, and fasting. With the rain beating on my tiny tent and wind sweeping down the mountainside, I ended up spending most of the first day inside my tent, just relaxing into it.
Simple Feeling of Being
On the second morning the sun started peeking from behind the clouds and I ventured out from my shelter. As I enjoyed my time alone in nature and explored my surroundings, I noticed that the tumult within was calming down and my true voice was rising forth.
In a moment that seemed simultaneously both profound and mundane, I realized that my inner compass had never been broken or lost. I had simply shoved it aside and ignored its signals out of fear for the path it pointed towards. But in that moment of clarity, I also discovered the courage to follow my heart.
That evening the rain and clouds returned but I was no longer bothered by them. As I packed my tent the following morning, I spotted a white reindeer—supposedly a good omen—and met up with the rest of the participants in silence, with the wind still beating the rain against my face.
Painful Decisions
After a peaceful reentry and journey back home, I faced some sad decisions that my heart called me to make. I decided to quit my job by the end of August and, more painfully, to end my relationship with a wonderful woman.
Now that the pain has subsided and a calm clarity has taken its place, I’m certain that I’ve made the right choices. My heart is opening up to the world and I feel excited to be alive. And I believe with time the people I chose to part with will ultimately be better off.
At times living your truth may be a painful way to go but it is the only way we can go.
