Moments of Choice
Habit is a second nature which prevents us from knowing the first, of which it has neither the cruelties nor the enchantments.
—Marcel Proust
Day to day, our lives are built up by our habits. We go about our duties as if on autopilot. And for the most part, it would appear, that these habits are either harmless or even positive. After all, why would we not want to brush our teeth in the morning or stop at the crossing when a car is speeding by?
However, at times habits rob us the choice of being the authors of our own lives. From the outright destructive ones, such as compulsive computer gaming, to the subtle but sinister ones, such as the fears that hold us back, we give away our freedom to habits.
Making Friends with Our Habits
But whenever we engage in a habitual behavior, we have a choice to stop. And I do not mean this in the sense of making a New Year’s resolution. What I mean is simply recognizing the habit as it is, when it is; an unfolding pattern of sensations, thoughts, and actions existing right here, right now.
First we must make friends with the habit, become intimately familiar with the story it tells. Does my gaming habit start with clicking the icon on my desktop or can I trace it back to the subtle tensing of my chest that I feel when I’m avoiding a daunting task?
Once we see the habit unfold in real time, we can choose to simply be with it. “Ah, there it is. The familiar tightening, the story I tell myself. Breathe and relax. I am at choice.”
An Experiment
I’d like to suggest that you engage with the following simple experiment:
- Identify a habit you would like to change. It can be something as concrete as smoking or as ephemeral as holding back your feelings in a relationship.
- For three weeks keep a journal of your observations. What was the very first thing you noticed when the habit arose? Did you find yourself playing your favorite game or did you catch yourself telling a story to yourself?
- If you feel so compelled, let me know what you discovered. I would be honored to hear your story.
I found this to be of tremendous benefit for myself in working with specific bad habits and in building my ability to self-author in general.
